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Second, married people shouldn't think only of their incomes today.If the husband, say, was the main breadwinner, the longer he waits before collecting, the larger the income he'll leave to his surviving spouse, if he dies first.Empathy is the emotion that can potentially save your marriage from the aftermath of an affair.Eventually, following infidelity, many couples experience a specific type of empathy — a new understanding of what led their partner to cheat, and how it feels for your partner to cheat on you. Forgiveness comes in time; empathy is a choice they make every day. Try to empathize with what it feels like on both sides of the couch, and talk about your new vision of a new monogamy.

It's common to say, "I'll take Social Security at 62 so that, if I die early, I won't have lost income that I should have had." That could be a two-way mistake.

In fact, I see hundreds of couples in my office who come for therapy after an affair. Staying with your spouse after adultery is a personal and a marital decision, and for many couples it's a better choice than trading in one partner for another, or choosing divorce as an option. A new monogamy includes a deeper communication and a more empathetic view of love.

For more information on creating your new monogamy and a new relationship together go here. Tammy Nelson is a world renowned sex and relationship expert and the author of The New Monogamy and Getting the Sex You Want.

" All of your well-meaning friends and family are telling you to "Get out now while you can. "But there's a part of you that wonders if leaving is the best option.

You think, "Maybe there is something salvageable here."It's important after an affair to recognize that the really difficult times will pass, and you shouldn't make any decisions early on about what to do with your marriage.

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En español | I had lunch recently with a friend whose husband, a teacher, retired five years ago.

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