Such sexual ’norms’ have slipped insidiously into our dating culture, perhaps without us even consciously realising it. Rachel Hills, a researcher, speaker and writer whose forthcoming book The Sex Myth explores ideas around these supposed regular sexual behaviours, says, “There are a lot of people for whom three dates is much too soon to initiate sexual contact with a new person.
“But there is an expectation that you need to be sexually active very early on in a relationship – that can be intimidating for those who want to take their time.” Let me be clear: this absolutely isn’t about slut shaming or having rules about what “nice young ladies” should or shouldn’t do.
How will the story stack up against the greatest films about business?
Let’s get one thing straight…Girls are sexual creatures. Girls think about sex, maybe even more than you do.
Otherwise, it's just another set of rules to control us.
But with the ascent of online dating – which is reportedly now the way one in five relationships start – we have become a date-centric society, particularly in London where it seems that anyone who’s single is on Tinder.It’s not enough to say, “no thank you, not yet.” Rather, there is an overwhelming pressure to say, “no, because…” Sometimes, it feels easier to just lie back and think of England (or Benedict Cumberbatch).It’s not only women who've bought into the notion they need to explain if they wish to abstain. They’re convinced that if a girl hasn’t got her kit off three or four dates in, she’s simply not interested.When after a week and a half he hasn’t tried to get her into bed, she assumes he’s either gay or not attracted to her.The message is clear: ten days after meeting someone, if you’re not having sex, there is a major problem.
It also reflects an expectation that sex will happen relatively early in a relationship: not so early that you're a slut, but still sooner than many people would be able to achieve emotional intimacy with someone.” It’s a very unfashionable thing to admit to these days - that you might not feel ready to perform the most intimate of physical acts with someone after spending less than a working day’s worth of time in their company.