I’ve thought about it a lot and the best explanation I can come up with is this: ridicule. When “annoying” kids like this go to a traditional school, they’re ridiculed. But when one of those “annoying” kids is homeschooled, no one makes fun of their outfits that don’t match.They have a hard, or even impossible, time finding their niche. Or the fact that they like to memorize things and wish the math assignments were harder.Love is the most powerful force on earth, and the love between a bereaved parent and his/her child is a lifeforce to behold. There is and will always be a missing space in our lives, our families, a forever-hole-in-our-hearts. Neither do platitudes, clichs or well-wishes for us to “move on,” or “stop dwelling,” from well intentioned friends or family. No matter how you look at it, empty is still empty. Her writing and her book have been featured in , MPR, Blog Talk Radio, Open to Hope Radio, Broadly Vice and Writerly, among others.When she’s not writing, traveling, or healing hearts, you can find Angela making every moment count with her two beautiful, blue-eyed boys.They must either hide their true personality and inclinations in order to be accepted or they’re pushed to the fringes and made to feel abnormal. Made to feel less likable than those who keep their ideas and opinions to themselves or fail to form any to begin with. No one looks at them askance when they know every answer to every question and are eager to share their knowledge. That their interests are boring and a waste of time?Made to feel that convictions and fascinations are stupid and that pop culture is the only culture. They mostly don’t even know they’re doing it, I assure you. When an annoying kid like that finds a new hobby and wants to learn everything they can about it and talk about it incessantly, no one treats them like there’s something wrong with pursuing an interest like that, no matter how dull it may seem to the other members of the homeschool classroom. That they need to wear a certain thing and buy a certain thing in order to be worth people’s time?
Watch how they alchemize their grief into a force to be reckoned with, watch how they turn tragedy into transformation, loss into legacy. Empty chair, empty room, empty space in every family picture. Empty spaces that should be full, everywhere we go. The empty space of our missing child(ren) lasts a lifetime. Quite the contrary, in fact, though it took awhile to get there. Angela writes candidly about child loss and grief without sugar coating the reality of life after loss.For as long as I breathe, I will grieve and ache and love my son with all my heart and soul.There will never come a time where I won’t think about who my son would be, what he would look like, and how he would be woven perfectly into the tapestry of my family.The idea of being ostracized by a group of people that they don’t really like anyway no longer sends them into a panic.If they spend their whole childhood trying to be something they’re not or believing that what they are is weird and weird is bad, they’ll enter adulthood with those same perceptions, that same lack of self-confidence.
There will never come a day, hour, minute or second I stop loving or thinking about my son.